The Generation to Come …from my journal

September 30, 2009

Psalm 78:1-7

Listen, O my people, to my instruction; incline your ears to the words of my mouth.  I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings of old, which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us.  We will not conceal them from their children, but tell to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done.  For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should teach them to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their children, that they should put their confidence in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments.

I love this passage.  I love the generational charge to teach new generations the secret, holy things.  I take that very seriously, and I am already praying for __________ and _________, or whatever children God gives me.  I pray that they would have a hunger and thirst for the Holy One.  I pray for a profound dissatisfaction with this world.  I pray that my children will be vital parts of His kingdom.  And I pray that God would grant Justin and me wisdom as we prepare to one day raise up these great warriors.  Having a family is not something I view as just “the next step,” or “the thing to do.”  Just as I was intentional about marriage, I am intentional about family.  My children should be workers in God’s field.  It is my plea that their souls not be wasted.

~Maranatha

Had the Sickies

It all started last Thursday.  I woke up with a sore throat, but I didn’t think it was any big deal.  Unfortunately, my condition rapidly declined as the minutes ticked by.  It was obvious before first period was halfway through that I would probably need to go home.  At the beginning of third, I plopped myself down in front of the sub coordinator and just looked at her.  Being the totally awesome person she is, she took care of it for me!  I had a sub by 11:45.

By 12:15, I was haphazardly strewn across the bed and pitifully asking Justin to make me soup and an apple juice.  Then, I slept for the next two days, interrupted often by uncontrollable chills and trips to the refrigerator for more apple juice.  It was awful.  It might have been the pigs; I don’t know.  It was just awful.

Besides the agony, one of the worst things about the whole situation was the heartless quarantine!  My husband was so determined to not get sick that I was completely isolated.

Let’s just get down to business.  I’ve done the whole “love-language” deal, and I’m the cuddler.  For four agonizing days, my husband flatly refused to come near me, much less to hug me!  It was horrific and heart-breaking.  I was so lonely!  I kept trying to sneak-attack hug him, but he was shifty!  Even a little toe-hug was met with icy stares and rebuke.

I tried to cuddle Spooky, and it worked well sometimes.  But anytime I got into a coughing fit, he’d bite me.

In all, I’m happy to report that those days are over!  I’m whole and healed, and I got a hug yesterday!  But Mrs. Hopper, don’t worry; I will take the high road and save you from potentially feeling like a bad friend or a bad mommy.  I’ll keep my distance from the little one tonight, and I’ll just make faces at him from across the room.  :)  But next week — it’s on!  That baby better be awake and ready to play!

Contract or Covenant?

So, my sort-of boss took our department out for sushi dinner last night.  By “sort-of,” I mean “department head,” and by “department,” I mean myself and the other ESL teacher.  So, there were three of us.  It was super-nice of her to do that, and I had one glorious glass of merlot along with sashimi and sushi.  Yummo!

It was really interesting to go out socially with my department head.  While the other ESL teacher has a room next to mine, and we talk all the time, that is not the case with “the boss.”  She’s always Ms. Business as Usual, and the fact that her classroom is about 14.2 light-years away doesn’t do much for developing a friendship.  So, everything’s been very professional between us.

After her second glass of wine, (don’t worry, BBBs, I only skated on the fringes of blasphemy with one glass), she appeared to me as a real person, complete with insecurities and opinions on life.  That’s funny, because I was always sure those things existed, but I had never witnessed them.  One such opinion on life dealt with marriage, divorce, and keeping separate estates.

To those of you who are currently married to your first and only spouse, have you ever tried to talk to a divorcée about marriage, or trust and commitment within marriage?  I waffle between not even bothering and really wanting to share my core, Christ-centered beliefs.

Sidenote: This is a recurring theme in my life.  In my family, I am perpetually the little sister.  I will always be the baby.  It doesn’t matter what I have experienced or what I have accomplished; I will never know what I’m talking about.  Therefore, I usually keep my mouth shut.

I learned yesterday that my department head was previously married.  Somehow, the topic came up about finances within marriage.

“Angela, Angela, Angela!  Separate estates!  Sign on the dotted line so you both know what belongs to whom!  You just have to do that!  You don’t know if you’ll still be with him in ten years!”

She rubbed her temples in disbelief at my naiveté.  The other offered:

“She’s still young.  It’s nice that she trusts her husband.”

Nice? I would submit that it’s essential!  Thoughts flooded my head about the life-long commitment of marriage and how I carefully and prayerfully chose my husband.  I married for life; there’s no going back!  I looked from experienced face to experienced face before responding, and I knew what their reactions would be.  I’ve gotten it all my life; I’m just a little girl.

Dinner was wrapping up anyway, so I just left it with a very weak, “I’m in it for the long haul.  We trust each other.”  The subject changed to wrapping-it-up types of comments before we stood up and left.

But, I felt like I should have said more.  I felt caught because of my age and my professional relationship with these women.  I didn’t want to over-step bounds, nor did I want to get into some sort of debate when I am clearly the least experienced in marriage and family.

Regardless, I should have stood up for the truth of what God created marriage to be.  It’s for life.  If you feel the need to sign a pre-nuptial agreement, then there’s no point in getting married.  You’re essentially saying two things:

1. I have no confidence that our marriage is any more important or lasting than a dating relationship.
2. I don’t trust that you have my best interests at heart.  I forsee not only divorce, but also your selfish ambition leading you toward taking my livelihood and everything I’ve worked for out from under me.

That is no way to start a marriage.  I may be young, but I know that much.

I did not enter into a contract with a human that can be broken when feelings, situations, or preferences change.  The State of Texas may see it that way for legal reasons, but that was never our primary intention.  As followers of Christ, our marriage is a life-long covenant to God.  I certainly did not pledge to the Almighty God of the universe that I would live my entire life with a man I didn’t even trust with a checkbook.

(But, I’ve come to realize the only way to convince anyone is to just get old and stay married.)

I Made a Poem

for my husband’s birthday!  He turns a whopping 29 today!  I love you, Honey.  Here’s your poem!

 

Justin

the strong, silent,
try anything once,
class clown type

the deep thinking,
espn-watching,
older brother type

the outdoorsy,
musical,
level-headed type

the “what’s the point in making the bed?” type

the fun-loving,
unfailingly reliable,
un-mushy type

but, above all,
the ”my perfect soul-mate” type

 

~ajw 7/31/09

Just a Love Scene?

Last weekend, we saw the movie Funny People.  Do not see it.  Ninety percent of it is not funny at all, and, while it attempts to be thought-provoking, it is not. 

Slightly apprehensive about the movie, I watched an extended trailer, and it seemed like the rating was predominantly due to explicit language.  While that does grate on my nerves when it’s excessive, there are worse things.  Unfortunately, I didn’t even bother to look at why it received the rating it did:

LANGUAGE AND CRUDE SEXUAL HUMOR THROUGHOUT, AND SOME SEXUALITY

That’s bad enough, but it forgot to mention the pornography. 

Why is it that, when it’s at a public theater instead of behind the walls of a XXX store, it’s no longer considered pornography?  If pornography is obscene or explicit material intended to arouse sexual desire, then why exactly are most R-rated movies not classified as such?

Oh – it’s art.  Perhaps you should go ahead and watch Funny People, then, and explain to me how having two back-to-back quickies with strangers is art?  And, if it were necessary to character development of the offender, why exactly do we need to actually watch these encounters taking place?  It’s so realistic and so visually explicit that I wouldn’t be surprised if Adam Sandler actually did have sex with those two girls on camera.

Assuming “art” is an adequate excuse for explicit material, it makes no difference to the movie industry.  This is not for the purpose of art.  It’s because we’re in an over-sexed society that constantly arouses and excites so that it may continually lay claim to our money and our morals.  This is a very successful campaign to keep us wanting more.

At this juncture, I’m taking a stance.  I refuse to allow pornography into my marriage under the guise of “entertainment.”  Call me a prude, but if I’m going to give my money to people who make movies like this, I might as well be shoveling God’s provision into strip clubs and the aforementioned XXX stores.  (And, by the way, giving my husband a stamped approval to enter into sexual perversion.) 

I’m done.  I will not be guilty of leading my family into sexual sin.

 

Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.  ~Matthew 10:16

I Wrote a Poem; It Doesn’t Rhyme

The Call from My Sister

 

Cell interrupts.  Everything’s –
Gone, she gentled.  Saved
One box, she offered.  Anything
Important there? she probed. 

 

Only the most important.
Yearbooks.
Letters.
Memories.
Gone.
Garbaged.

 

I knew better than to leave
Unsafe.  It was a gamble –
Lost.

 

Hang up.

 

Lift eyes toward week-old
Husband.  Mourn old
Yesterdays.  Determine
New ones.

 

-ajw 7/18/2009

Hi, My Name is Angela

and I’m a sinner.

• I am chronically selfish.
• I get bored in church sometimes because I’m not being entertained.
• I put myself before others.  (Secretly, of course.)
• I keep the Gospel to myself.
• I take the easy way out.
• I actively avoid people that annoy me.
• I’m addicted to the computer, sometimes at the expense of my relationship with God.
• I care about my blog stats.
• I pretty much think I know how to run a church correctly.  Just ask me; I can fix anything.
• I judge people’s facebook pictures and statuses. 
• I gossip. 
• I get irrationally aggravated when people think I’m younger than I am.  (You know, that’s pretty much every day.  I’m almost 27, people.)
• I like teaching people lessons.
• I don’t pray like I should.
• I can easily see the speck on your eyelash, but I can’t see the tree in my face.
• I have an insatiable feeling of entitlement.  (You know, for plumbing and wireless internet.)
• I still haven’t learned Spanish, even after three years of being fairly certain God’s calling me to it.
• I have friends who don’t know Jesus and who haven’t heard about Him from me. 
• I am self-conscious about my housekeeping at the expense of being as hospitable as I should be.
• I can’t go a millisecond without being concerned about my own comfort.
• I’m proud of myself.
• I’ve been known to play the theology police on other people’s blogs.
• I am insecure about being a good wife.
• I am undisciplined.
• I judge others for being undisciplined.
• I feel like I’m in a secret club of the “real” Christians.
• I sometimes seriously doubt my salvation.
• I think too highly of myself.
• I think too little of myself.

Oh my Yeshua.  Who am I that the Lord of all the Earth would care to know my name?

Not because of who I am, but because of what You’ve done.  Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who You are!

A Very Special Day!

Today is July 6, 2009.  Do you know what that means?!  It has been 7 years since I went on my very first date with Justin AND it’s been 7 years since my baby kitty was born!  Because these two things happened at the same time, I knew right away that Justin and I were meant to be!  (But, I didn’t tell him for at least a week or two.)

I can’t believe Justin and I have been together since 2002.  (I was such a baby – only 19!)  It’s weird because, in some ways, it feels like it couldn’t have possibly been that long.  But, then again, I can’t even imagine what life was like before him!  He is truly the love of my life and I constantly thank God for him.  I love you, Husband!

~*~*~

And I can’t believe my baby kitty is already 7!  Isn’t he cute?!

Kate Plus 8, Then Jon Plus 8, Then Kate…

It’s weird that I’ve suddenly become so wrapped up in this family’s life.  I didn’t start watching Jon and Kate Plus 8 until recently.  Perhaps timing is everything… perhaps they just needed my prayers.  After their announcement last night, my only response is what has already been prayed.  It’s not too late – nothing is impossible with God. 

 

Jon and Kate, we pray for you. 

~*~Our Prayer~*~

Kate Plus 8 and Sometimes Jon?

My original post was quite different from what I’m about to write.  I even had it polished and scheduled to post, but I just had to re-think it.  I made some assumptions that I had no right to make and I have changed my mind about what I want to say.  Actually, instead of saying, I should be praying. 

~~~

Dear Father in Heaven,

I don’t know the Gosselin family, but You do.  America does not know them, but You do.  You know them and you love them.  I pray, Father, that you would surround Mady, Cara, Leah, Hannah, Alexis, Collin, Aaden, and Joel with love.  I pray that you would help them to feel secure and I pray that you would protect them from the media and from any negative effects of their very public lives.  I pray that you would help them to continue just being happy kids who love each other, their parents, and every person who walks through their front door.  Preserve their innocence.  Reveal your love. 

For Jon and Kate, I pray for reconciliation.  I pray for peace.  I pray for healing.  I pray for forgiveness.  I pray that you would send your Holy Spirit into their home and that you would give them both a longing to repair what has been damaged.  I pray that you protect them, too, from the media.  I pray that you would give them those quiet moments they need to be alone with you and to be alone with each other.  I pray, Father, that you would help them to see in each other what they first saw when they fell in love.  I pray that you would help them to remember the hardships and the triumphs they worked through together.  I pray that you would help them to come to you first and that in you they would find each other.  I pray that you would bring them truly back to each other – not for any publicity stunt, not to appease America, not because they feel like it’s what they “should” do, and not for the kids.  Father, I pray that you would help them to fight for the holy covenant they made to each other because it’s a holy covenant they made to each other.  Help this very trying time to be something that, in the end, strengthens their faith and strengthens their marriage.

And I pray that you would shut the loudmouths and bring healing to this hurting family.

In Jesus Christ’s beautiful Name,
Amen.